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Monthly Archives: November 2007

last night around 3:44am, i woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. i tried reading a little under the covers with my little booklight (which is extremely bright and i know would have woken up the husband) and just when i felt my eyelids getting heavier i put the book away and tried to fall asleep. didn’t work. then randomly my mind started spelling words, almost like counting sheep, i was spelling words in my mind but backwards. the amazing thing is that i’m a horrible speller and i found that i’m great at spelling backwards-in my head- this trick seemed to work because i fell asleep. os fi uoy t’nac peels yrt gnilleps sdarwkcab…



i like a love story that dosen’t have a happy ending, they make me happy-maybe because they seemed more real to me. this is what i watched this weekend. it was a good weekend of watching young lovers becoming obsessed with the other and then becoming crazy,(going to institutions or setting fire to family homes) or the young married couple getting married, struggling, and just as things are looking up cancer hits….these are a few of my favorite things..

i have this friend, lets call her T. T i’ve known for years and i have to say she’s always been the “cooler” one while i was just the one trying to be like her. anyways she is moving to london and i’m completely jealous. not a blind rage of jealousy but a simple someone is doing something i wish i could jealousy. i’m sure she’ll have a great time, shop in great places that she will discover as she walks around being the “charming american girl”. and she’ll expand her already great wardrobe with clothes she got in london and get to go over and see france on weekends if she wanted in a similar way as me driving to canada. yup, feeling a little jealous.

1105071957a1.jpg  as promised i have produced a piece of “art”. really a more elaborate doodle of me. still trying.

04m.jpg217tw83kysl__aa115_.jpg  i was flipping through the channels yesterday, really we have dish so i guess its more flipping through the guide, and i saw that “if lucy fell” was playing. i immediately got all excited and had to watch the movie that i couldn’t stop watching about ten years ago. i discovered the movie one night when there was nothing else familiar on and it sounded interesting. not exactly the best movie but had a soundtrack that i loved. i immediately went out and bought marry me jane, which was all over the movie and memorized every song. never heard anything else about the group but i still own the cd complete with 10 years worth of scratches. and the movie i found five years ago in a bargain bin at wal-mart (i’ve since lost it that’s why the excitement of seeing it on tv)

both the movie and the song meant so much to me in my transition from my teens to twenties and not because i could relate but because i longed to. i wanted the angst of dating and going through the pains of being a young and an unsure adult. looking back on it i guess i just wanted to be “friends”. early friends when they were struggling and and dating everyone not just each-other. so when it comes down to it i wanted my twenties to be a sitcom or movie. never happened

every morning about the 9 o’clock hour i go into our office break-room and get a cup of coffee, sometimes breakfast, but every morning i end up there. this morning i was preparing my first and only cup of coffee for the day ( i only need one for work more for later) and my mind wondered to a time when i worked retail and wished to have a normal 9-5 office job. how much more adult that would be than working in a store in the mall. and now i have that job and i’m in the break-room wishing i had the retail job. maybe because of the holidays and i’m one of the few who like the mall during those times. or maybe its the lack of contact with others even though i’m not a huge “people person” or maybe its just that the lighting is so bad in the break-room that it causes my mind to wonder in meaningless directions as i scoop spoonfuls of coffee-mate into my coffee to get it the right color.

i may never know the answer to this mystery